The 7th & 8th of September will never just be another date to me, I’ll never be able to pass that date again without remembering the traumatic events that came with it.

I’ve never had someone look at me the way you did that day, with so much hate and anger.

The Assault on September 7th & 8th has changed my life forever. I tried to not let it, but as each day has passed things for me got harder.

I’m here today to share my story, how all this has effected and essentially changed my life.

– I don’t sleep very well anymore, I have a lot of nightmares. There’s been nights where I haven’t slept at all, as the painful memories and flashbacks keep me awake. As I lose sleep, my energy levels, therefore mood, and work has been effected, until recently I worked full time and as you can imagine it’s very hard to work to my full potential when I am exhausted and anxious.

– My anxiety is crippling, for a long time after the attack I didn’t leave my house out of fear of people seeing my bruised body, or the bald patches on my head from my hair being pulled out, my confidence was really effected. I felt that everyone knew what had happened, a simple task like walking to the shop for milk became something I needed to plan for hours before actually doing.

– My trust is shattered, I question everyone’s intentions with me, I’m afraid to meet new people and the thoughts of opening up to anyone, even a councillor terrifies me. I suffer severe flashbacks and I end up in floods of tears and having panic attacks.

-I felt so depressed and alone at one stage that simply not being here anymore seemed more of an attractive idea than waking up every day and having to replay painful, vivid flashbacks in my head.

I will never forget how I felt, lying on that floor, beside our kitchen table where we had shared so many meals together, hands wrapped around my neck, so tightly that it made me think I would never see my family again. My Legs felt hot, itchy and where bleeding from the carpet burns, my nails where ripped off because I was trying so hard to get you off me. My whole body was sore from the beatings. All I could do was lie there and take it because you were too strong and I was too weak. The arms I trusted for so long to keep me safe, where the arms that ended up hurting me so badly.

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that somebody would want to hurt me so violently, especially someone who claimed to have loved me so deeply.

After the attack, I was a shell of my former self, I had to rebuild my life from the ground up, I lost my home, I was isolated from all my friends, I missed a lot of work to try cover the Mark’s left on me, and to recover from the other physical & mental injuries I was left with too. I had no confidence or trust, mentally I was exhausted.
I can stand here today and say that I have rebuilt myself as a stronger Woman, I have my friends back, amazing supportive people surround me now, that I can’t imagine being without, I have a new job that I love, and intend to go very far in, I’m learning to be happy again. Rebuilding a broken life isn’t easy and it’s something I never pictured having to do, but I have, and will continue to do so. I may be a victim but I am also a survivor.
This is not to say I do not still suffer every day from the painful memories that live in my head from that weekend.

I am not bitter, nor do I hate you or have any bad feelings towards you anymore, other than disappointment, I am not a monster and I do feel empathy towards you and your family, but as I know your mother has probably had many sleepless nights, so have my parents. when my mother and father saw me in that hospital bed after the attack it almost killed them, that they couldn’t protect their only daughter.
And last of all, I pray for you , I pray that you heal from whatever it is that you are internally struggling with, whatever it was that caused you so much pain and anger that you took it out on me, I wish you the best, I’m not a spiteful person, I hope you see this statement, not as an attack on you, but more of a way of letting you know how I was effected by YOUR actions, so that you can use this to grow and become a better person.

Thank You